This past week has been..an adjustment. Finding routine doesn’t happen overnight, so we push through every day with bloodshot eyes and an ample amount of caffeine.
When we came home, we were a bit nervous about how Simon was going to adjust to having me home plus bringing a baby home – all on the same day. He was overjoyed to have his baby brother home and quickly became very protective of him. No matter who came over to see him, he had to make sure they knew who Spencer was and how special he was to him.
While in the hospital, they asked me the big question – are you breastfeeding? This was a question I had months to prepare myself to answer. I knew saying yes meant I was committed, and it would be a hard journey ahead. A bit of history about my experience with breastfeeding here: I nursed Simon for a week before my healing process quickly backfired. I landed up on bedrest and we were forced to formula feed while I “pumped and dumped”my morphine-filled milk. This lasted for a very long time, which I then slipped into postpartum depression because I was so emotionally invested in nursing my child. This time I approached postpartum with a different perspective. I nursed religiously while in the hospital to build my supply so we would be formula-free when we got home – so I thought. Little did I know it would cause me to get ‘over engorged’ and I could not nurse for a whole day. This led me to formula feed, which then backpedaled my entire nursing process. We are getting there, but it’s a journey. It’s a journey that’s tested my patience but has allowed me to grow as a mom.
Today we had his 2 weeks check up. The doc is impressed how developed he is considering he was a bit early. He’s just on par developmentally. Next appointment is immunizations. God help me.
Simon’s anxiety about me leaving is finally going away. He had nightmares about me leaving and asking whether I have to go back to the hospital. We have a bunch of prayer warriors out there that have been praying that his anxiety subsides, and we feel our prayers have been answered.
We are all tired, which comes with the process of welcoming a new baby into our home. Sometimes we have long nights, sometimes we have great nights, but all in all, it’s going better than we anticipated. I am soaking in every moment with this little guy because before we know it he’ll be all grown up.