Wow, has it ever been a long time since I updated you all!
Well here’s the scoop. Winter is coming to an end and we can’t be more thrilled for warmer weather and outdoor play! Simon’s becoming crazy being cooped up in the house every day. We hope this nice weather is here to stay!
But let’s back pedal a little bit to the transition period. From week 3-6, I found myself drained; an emotionless zombie. When I say emotionless, I truly mean that. Post partum depression is real. No, I didn’t get anywhere to the point of wanting to harm my child in any way, but feeling that disconnect is so real. When you have a screaming child 8 hours a day – it stirs up some deep emotions and suddenly you feel like this child you have at home is more of a job. You wake up in the morning (whatever morning is, could be 3, 4, 5 or 6am), and your key job is to keep him alive and not crying. You have no drive to get them to smile or coo. Just a few moments of silence is what you crave the most. While that seems easy for some moms, it was not for me. This was a dream. Spencer always wanted to be held, bouncing, moving, all to just have him quiet. Not happy or satisfied, just quiet. I remember thinking many days ‘how was it possible that a child could cry that long? At some point, he should give-in”.
At around 6 weeks we learned he’s lactose intolerant. I had a playdate with a friend who’s child was lactose-intolerant and she suggested that it could be a possibility. We have a completely different kid now that we transitioned him to lactose-free milk. It makes me feel a bit guilty as a mom that I didn’t figure it out sooner. It would’ve saved us a lot of screaming nights. Interesting enough, we discovered a child with personality after. Coo-ing and smiling came out of him. It was refreshing to see what was behind all that pain he was experiencing. Not long, my connection with him was there. I felt like a mom. I felt like I was doing some purpose throughout my day.
Nights aren’t perfect – we have our random bad night, but for the most part, it’s good. We don’t go much longer than 3 hour stretches between feedings but I anticipate it getting better over time. We still fill our days with caffeine just to get through. Juggling 2 kiddos is hard, but Simon’s attitude toward me is getting so much better. My time isn’t now spent 100% with Spencer. I can lay Spencer in his swing and he’s content and I can take that time with Simon reading books, doing a puzzle or playing a game. Now is the time we just try to adjust different schedules and hopefully manage to get them on the same one. Same napping schedule would be bliss!
Some of you have asked for an update on Lindu – my roommate in the hospital. Well, I’m happy to say their little baby Elias is growing and getting stronger everyday. He surely is a miracle child. While they know there’s a long road ahead of them, they stay true to their faith that God will provide through this time. I was privileged to be able to meet Baby Elias and witness him off his oxygen for the first time
Now, it, unfortunately, didn’t stay off, but it was a step in the right direction. We are excited to see where this journey of motherhood is headed for us and we hope our boys develop a relationship.
After countless doctors appointments, follow-ups and one surgery, we finally are done with our postpartum experience. We prayed and discussed it and feel at peace that Spencer will be our last child. 2 is enough for us and we look forward to seeing the brotherly relationship grow between Simon and Spencer. Now people tend to tell me that this feeling of ‘enough’ changes as your child gets older, but I can truly feel that the door is closed now and it’s okay.
On a completely different note, we are still waiting to put an offer in on a lot so we can build. This process has taken a lot longer than it should’ve, but we hope that the build itself goes fast so we can move in. We are done renting.
For now, that’s basically it. We still get very little sleep, have no social life, and continue to soak all our love and energy into our two little boys. Life is great